I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
