chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I will pee on everything he values.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize