Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
