I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
