Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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