Plan B is the new Plan A
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
