Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
