I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
