Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
