your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
