Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
