Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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