I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
