i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
