I hate all girls vehemently.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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