I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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