Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
