How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
