she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
