So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize