I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Enjoy the penises
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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