she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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