You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How does one acquire holy water?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
