I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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