I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
