If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
