boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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