So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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