new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize