after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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