At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
