I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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