Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
