Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
