i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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