i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
