Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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