Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
