I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize