Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
