It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
