I wish I only lived at night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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