she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
