First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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