Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize