I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
