The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize