I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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