non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
