Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
