you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
