Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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