Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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