No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
