omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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