fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
