If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
