i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
