When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
