Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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