Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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