I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
