Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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