I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
a search helicopter?!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
