Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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