I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
